Hi, Mr. Bernard!
Thank you for giving us a huge amount of entertainment and powerful knowledge in your works. I'm a huge fan of your books!
So, I'd been reading (again) Excalibur and I can't stop thinking on Merlin's sadness and fatalism. For me, he seemed to be a desperate man, having doubt on his faith on British gods deep in his heart. Something I think he would never admit even for himself. It would explain why he hesitated to kill Gwydre and uses Gawain's corpse to deceive the saxon army. Choosing the Arthur's sword instead of the gods to save Britain.
What it doesn't explain is why he was laughing, blind and helpless, at the moment when Nimue was about to cut his throat as a sacrifice to Manawydan. Why?
He knew what was coming and I think he was smiling because he knew that his torture, in a few moments ahead, would be finished, but, beyond that, after that moment he would never need to decide between Arthur and Nimue/ the Gods. From that moment, the burden of bring the Gods back to Britain wouldn't be over his shoulders anymore and it would be moved to someone who was strong/completely mad/fanatic enough to go deep and do whatever it takes to achieve his religious aim.
Is that right?
Another thing is about Merlin's comparison between Mithras and our dear nailed god: How could Merlin accept the existence of Christ after knowing so much about the "stolen" characteristics from Mithras and added to Jesus? I understand that he acknowledges Yahweh, but Jesus?
Your Merlin is an incredible and interesting character! His dialogues with Derfel were amazing!
Sorry for my poor english, I'm another one of fans from Brazil!
Best regards!
Felipe de Luca